GUIDING PRINCIPLES

  • Conflict is inevitable and natural, violence and combat are optional
  • Conflict can be an opportunity to understand each other and if safe, to bring what really matters to the table
  • Conflict is life trying to happen
  • It is always worth puting energy and resources into creating the conditions that will include each persons sense of safety, inclusion, belonging and mattering.
  • We are afraid of turning towards conflict because we have had limited experiences individually or culturally where this has offered better results than turning away from it
  • Every experience we have where turning towards conflict is safe and helpful, we increase our willingness to try this again and look for the tools and skills that support it
  • All voices matter and bring something of value to the whole
  • When we are supported to speak our truth, we do and it is a gift
  • The more we can lean into the possibility that we are each doing the best we can with the resources we have available at any given moment, the more we can hold acceptance of what is, as well as the longing to grow and learn and the more likely effective change can happen
  • How we hear is as important as what we say, if not more
  • When we are heard to our satisfaction, agreement is more likely but has less weight, the focus is more in trust and consideration and how we can find ways that work for us all
  • One conversation where someone truly listened is one significant step in the direction away from violence and towards peace
  • Every single time we are met with respect, we shore up our confidence to be part of creating that next time and even offering it to others
  • No matter how the differences are experienced, if we genuinely look for points of connection, we exponentially increase the likelihood of getting effective, collaborative responses/results for next steps
  • When we hold as a basic premise that everyone matters and everyone belongs, we contribute directly to peace on the planet
  • The more something matters to us, the more passionately we will live and defend it and the more likely we will find ourselves in conflict about ‘how’ to serve it – with appropriate support, this becomes an opportunity
  • The more willing we are to celebrate and mourn the results of our actions, the more sustainable our efforts become because we are more likely to integrate our experiences, learn from them be inspired to move on
  • When we get stuck, it is important to move backwards and remember what was our inspiration to be here in order to move forwards
  • Every conflict contains information about how we can collaborate better
  • The freer we are to say “no,” the more likely we are to find an authentic “yes”
  • When we focus on what happened and what we want to do about it we can connect with people more easily
  • When people are heard, they are more likely to want to hear others.
  • When we let other people know why we do what we do it is a way to build their trust in you.
  • The clearer we can be about what happened, the more likely we are to be on the same page and the dialogue will be connected to what you want to talk about
  • The more people see the direct results of their actions, the more responsibility they take for their actions
  • When giving and receiving feedback, the more able we are to provide clear and specific observations, the more likely the feedback will be heard, welcomed and useful
  • The more able any system is able to hear and integrate feedback, the healthier and more robust it is
  • Balancing and including honesty with empathy and compassion is a living, moment to moment commitment well worth making